My Ego is Ruining My Life!

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I’m having one of those rare, perfect mornings where I awoke before Brandon and have been able to calmly meander around the house with freshly ground hot coffee just taking it all in.

See, about 6 weeks ago we moved into our first house, which I should now call our first home, because after taking the day yesterday to hang some photos on the wall above my dads piano; set up our stunningly-authentic-vintage record player; and hosting some friends for an evening of good food and great conversation around our new Canadian Birchwood dining table, this place absolutely feels like HOME.

It’s been a sensational experience to nest in a place that’s truly yours.

It’s a feeling that can only be fully understood upon personal experience.

And I had no idea how alive and proud it would make me feel. How much closer it would bring Brandon and I. And how much more at peace we would feel within our lives.

Lately I’ve found that I’ve been a bit weepy at the sweetest and simplest things (shoot, here I go again), which I think is just a physical extention of my true contentment for my life at the moment.

What a gift.

This wasn’t always the case for us though.

Last year was so difficult.

Some of which was in part because of the pure grief and loss I was faced with after my father passed, but truthfully much of our discontent was due to the life choices we had been making for our career and personal lives.

For far too long we had been somewhat mindlessly going along this career path and making choices based on what others around us were doing because “that’s just what you do, when you’re a musician”.

Now to be fair, we’ve always pushed ourselves out of the normal boxes, which I’m always proud of, but in truth—it had been a really long time since we stopped and asked ourselves simple questions like “why?” or “is that going to make us happy?” or “do we really want to do that?”

I’m not sure how so many of us can get so far away from these simple thought-provoking concerns before we jump into the next project, career move, or financial purchase. But once we started to uncover these concerns and talk about them with those around us, we found that it’s SUCH a relatable problem.

A problem that we knew we had to fix.

And we did so by drilling down on the reasonings behind the choices we were making.

And very quickly we found that time and time again, the root of the cause was based on our EGO.

We thrive on looking cool and impressive and successful. That’s our truth. It’s not pretty but I’m pretty certain that we aren’t the only ones so, it warrants admission.

But once that reality was uncovered – we couldn’t unsee it. SO many daily habits and decisions, all came back to ego.

I’ll give you an example of one that’s on my mind right this instant…

We bought some curtains a few weeks ago. They were cheap and temporary until we knew what we really wanted, but I hate them and want to return them today while I have ample time, and before next week gets away from me with all the tour-prep we have to do before we head out on Friday.

BUT— part of me doesn’t want to return them today because we have company coming over next week and I don’t want to show off my gorgeous new home with curtain-less windows.

This is ego. This is loading up more unnecessary running around and stress next week when there will already be so much to do, simply because I want to impress our company.

Now imagine these motives making our decisions on a grander scale.

Like the car loan we decide to take out. Or the job title we’re chasing. Or the college we push our kids to attend.

You can see how detrimental this can get if we aren’t watching closely. Not to mention how crazy and cluttered it can make our brains, leaving less room for REAL high-level thoughts and creativity.

So after learning the art of saying NO! to a lot of things, and giving ourselves the gift of saying YES! to a whole bunch of new paths that weren’t even in the same universe as where we thought our life was and needed to head towards (did I mention I’m training from a freaking HALF-MARATHON? And Brandon is on his way to quickly becoming a world class rock-climber? Like what?), I have to say that I have never been more content with the present, and more fired up for the big, magical, question mark that is our future!

You should try it.

I’m willing to bet it’s going to sit reallllly well with you too!

And when you do, you should leave a comment below and tell Brandon and I all about it so we can continue to fuel each other.

❤️ Jackie

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